feelings and thoughts

Last night I got my Christmas present (yeah, I know; it's not December yet!).  We went to the Mannheim Steamroller concert in Raleigh. I enjoyed watching the various instruments (especially trying to figure out the different parts of the clarinet family!), and I have always loved their music.  But what took me by surprise was the videos to the Christmas hymns HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WORDS AT ALL!!!

For example:  God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay. Remember Christ your Savior was born on Christmas day to save us all from Satan's power when we had gone astray. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy, comfort and joy. Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.  There are so many ways that could be depicted in video.  Guess what they had?  A merry little feast (okay, they got the merry gentlemen not being dismayed by anything right) in a medieval setting. 

And the Little Drummer Boy - it's a war clip about a boy who got a drum for Christmas, grows up, falls in love, and goes off to war.  Not exactly fulfilling the song's meaning of a poor person using their talents (all they have) for God since they can't afford a gift.

So when it got to the Hallelujah chorus, I was a bit thankful they didn't have video. I closed my eyes to the blinding lights and pondered what the shepherds felt like that night as bright lights appeared around them with music.

I still like Mannheim Steamroller's music, just not with quite as much intensity as before.  Feelings and warm, fuzzy thoughts are great, but when the meaning of those thoughts lose their source of heat, you're just left with fuzzy feelings. Feelings and nostalgia aren't bad things, but I happen to like the "oomph" the words to the songs invoke. I'm a little weird that way.

my sinful evil nature

I could tell you that my sinful, evil nature means I am a glutton.  That would be true, but that's not what this post is about.

I could tell you that my sinful, evil nature means I can be slothful. (Don't you just love that old English word for lazy that makes you think of a porch slug?) But that's not what this post is about, either.

Today my sinful, evil nature has many words: meanness, orneriness, irritability, unkindness, or just plain old grumpiness.

I am an adult. I don't feel that old most days, but the reality is, I'm old enough that I'm considered old-school. Don't believe me?  You should have seen the looks on teenage faces over Thanksgiving when I told them they should turn their cell phones off before going to bed (as one teen had sent a garbled text to her boyfriend in her sleep and was showing it to everyone while others talked of being awakened to an incoming text or call during the night) and was met with shocked faces and stunned silences. Then one of the boys said, "And then how will the alarms go off in the morning to wake us up?"  Yeah, dumb me.  Cell phones have alarm clocks, or at least the cool ones do.  And kids today don't wear watches, either.  Who needs one when your phone gives you the time?

So I feel a little on the mature side. Until I come home. I have my nicely organized laundry, my "to do" list of activities, things I need to get done today and things I'd like to get done today, and then the phone call comes.  Someone who's trying to be helpful and loving, but in reality is checking up on us because we are unable to care for ourselves (see how mean-spirited I can be!) and I get more than a little testy/irritable/snippy with her on the phone. And I hang up and think 'ooh. I wasn't very nice."  But that can't be undone.

I don't like being told what to do.  I don't like have to explain my rationale for things and the way I do them to people.  Sometimes I know it has to be, but when it comes to running my own household...really?

It's not even 10:30am, and I've already blown it in the loving/kindness/graciousness department this morning.  His mercies are new every morning, and I"m SO thankful for that, because today I need an extra dose of them.

a book excerpt

I bought a book to give my parents, and after reading it, decided it wasn't one they would enjoy.  Written by a hoity-toity Duke divinity student, he shares a few of the lessons he learned from a small church.  Toward the end he wrote several paragraphs that resonate with a few thoughts I've been having the last few months.

The church is easy to bash because the church is full of knuckleheads, that is, human beings. we're all hypocrites, the greatest saints among us chiefly so...She's (the church) made space for the strangest among us, allowed us to be that way, worshiped alongside us, cared for our children, wept when we buried parents, and been our friend and neighbor. It's a greater gift than any of us has a right to expect. It's like grace -God's own mercy. And the trick is- there's no batch of perfect people someplace else to replace this batch of sinners. Sinners are all Go d has to work with to get His way in the world...This doesn't happen automatically in megachurches. In megachurches anyone can walk in and be anything they like. Nobody has to tolerate you because nobody has to tolerate anybody any more than one has to get on with the guy in the movie theater next to you. I can see the appeal of this - I've had stages in my life when I wanted no one in my business as I worshiped Jesus. But those were stages. Everywhere, the church makes a place for crazy people because the church is full of them. That is, all of us. But in the small church you have to shake their hands. Weekly...The church wounds us, like every parent wounds, hopefully unwittingly, penitentially, but in ways no less real. She marks us forever. And without her, we'd not be us. (107, Byassee, Jason.)

There are times I'd love to be swallowed in a crowd where no one knew my name or cared whether or not I made it to church. But the reality is, in such a place I'd not have a person to nudge me on, lovingly confront me, nor hold my hand through difficult times. I don't agree with everything Mr. Byassee had to say, but I appreciated the acknowledgement, however condescendingly made, that a small church has many gifts to offer.

the giving of thanks

This will probably be my last post until the Monday after Thanksgiving (unless my withdrawals become so severe that next Friday at my sister's while I'm supposed to be watching Alabama's most sacred television broadcast, the Iron Bowl, I dare to fight the slow speed internet connection in hopes of attempting to blog.).

I started out today early with Bobby having a 7am meeting.  I actually got a few things done before heading to church for a 9am instrument practice.  Have I ever told you how much I enjoy playing with Danielle? She jumped WAY out of her comfort zone for me with this new Christmas duet we're trying, and today was our first day to try it together with the accompaniment, and I was SOOOO pleased with how it sounded! Of course, Dave graciously hammered out my rhythms for me and brought the tempo down to help us get the notes.  And on top of that, Danielle switched from playing one instrument (the bass clarinet) from the Thanksgiving song to the Christmas piece (the Bflat clarinet) with VERY little difficulty! I don't think I could have done that!

Then we headed to Lumberton (the "halfway" point between here and my older sister's house) to meet up with my sis and nieces for lunch (delivering items to the Children's Home where my brother-in-law works, as well as a birthday package for my niece), and then to head home.  We actually had to make a detour at Mrs. Bryan's on the way home, for the stow-away kittens Bobby brought home from her house Thursday night decided to take another trip and ended up going to Lumberton with us.  They are now safely back at home.  Well, they are physically safe, though the blonde kitten is now very skittish, whereas she wasn't before. But I will happily sleep tonight without waking up to pouncing kittens going crazy in the garage.

Now we're home, trying to get things lined up for tomorrow and our trip on Monday. 
So in honor of the holidays next week, my list of thanks:

• that I have a hope, thanks to Christ
• that I have a Comforter who is with me in difficult situations
• that I have an imagination
• that I have a church family
• that God blessed me with Godly parents
• for my siblings & their crews
• for my husband
• for transportation that doesn't involve body scanners or butt checks
• for fast food restaurants
• for music
• for good books, and semi-good movies
• for material and the people who think up creative quilt patterns
• for the patience God gave my husband
• for my mother-in-law
• that I live close to a nice shopping center
• that I live in America
• for doctors (even though I complain about them and our healthcare set-up, we've still got one of the better healthcare systems in the world)
• for the gift of sleep and rejuvenation
• for Dr. Pepper
• for chocolate
• for Facebook
• for holidays

In everything give thanks!!! :) Happy Thanksgiving!
oh, and RooooooooLLLLLLLL TTiiiiiiiiiiDDDDDee  rrrrrrooooooooooOLLLLL!!!!

what day is it?

Today is a whirlwind.
Life has a way of interrupting the best of plans.
Yesterday instead of dragging out costumes for church and finishing a logo for someone, I spent the afternoon at the hospital with a cousin and friend. I don't regret it in the least, but it makes today a little on the interesting side.
And we have a van appointment.  There is a possibility that tomorrow evening Bobby will come home with a different vehicle. Should the momentous event actually occur, what he'll drive next week is still undetermined.

And I think my nose is trying to get Bobby's cold.  Dear nose, don't you know that now is NOT the time for this? I have places to go, things to do, people to see!  The holidays are upon us!  This is not the time to demand attention!!!

I hope to have a much more interesting post tomorrow, but we shall see. Upward and onward!

arrogance in the first degree

I think I've mentioned more than once my Mom's opinion that if you hear the same thing (whether it be via sermon, friend's conversation, personal devotions, what-have-ye), then God's clearly trying to tell you something.  And that my friends, is a little scary.

Many years ago while finishing up my associate's degree at Wake Tech, I had to take a portfolio class. For pieces in our portfolio, we were supposed to actually design and print items for a company, whether it be as a real job or on a volunteer basis.  During this time frame, someone from a non-profit organization spoke in the church I was attending. They were on a very tight budget, and had this hand-out that was extremely boring and not cheap to produce. I took it home, modified it, updated its look, and at the next meeting where I knew the leader of that organization would be, I took him a printed sample, along with the file on CD in case he wanted to use it. I explained to him what my job was and the project. He seemed offended, and a pastor friend of ours who was standing next to him kind of snorted, rolled his eyes, and said, "Don't you just hate people like that?"
I never meant to offend, I was trying to help, hoping to use my talents to assist in advancing "kingdom work", but in their eyes I was arrogantly stating the work they had done was not good enough.

This past week someone shared with me a similar story, only this person was on the opposite side of the fence. I couldn't help but think back to my earlier situation. The reality is, I was so focused on doing a good job and being helpful that I lost sight of the people in the position. And sadly, I've done that on many occasions. It all boils down to pride.  But on the other side of the coin, there has to be an equal amount of arrogance on the receiving end for a person to think they have it so together that they cannot benefit from suggestions or assistance. I think of David when he desired to defend the name of the Lord from Goliath's attacks.  He listened to Saul, accepted his offer of his personal armor, even tried it on, BEFORE he decided it wouldn't work.

I have to confess that I prefer to try things my way before I'll give something else a try.  Don't believe me? Just ask my husband what it's like when I'm trying to work on his wheelchair and we have different viewpoints (both literally and figuratively, haha) and ideas on how it should be repaired.

I will probably struggle with the sins of pride and selfishness until the day I am freed from this sin-cursed body. I like to think that the day I die there will be significantly less of both of those sins in my thoughts and actions. But in the meantime, it's the war of the flesh, as the Apostle Paul aptly phrased it.

So if you hear another sermon, ladies' devotional, Wednesday night Bible study or personal conversation on the topic of pride in the church, I might be to blame.

Day # 6

HOW can it be Tuesday already?  I am SO not ready for it to be Tuesday. But Tuesday it is, this day that is a gift.  I feel like an ungrateful child at Christmas who stares at the present and says "But it's not big enough!"  I should be thankful for this gift of today and not bemoaning that it doesn't have more hours.

I share several weird quirks with my hubby.  We both love to read (no, that's not a quirk), and so naturally we love to share/gift other book lovers with books.  (Okay, quick clarification: according to non-book loving nieces and nephews, Uncle Bobby shares/gifts books with anyone. It's now a Bryan family joke.) Our weird quirk is that we prefer to read any book we give someone, and so more often than not we'll be frantically reading/skimming a book prior to a holiday or birthday.

My Mom's birthday is Thanksgiving day, and for her birthday she's getting (drumrolllllllllllll): BOOKS!  I'm half-way through two of them, and am seriously debating whether or not to use a gift bag so I don't have to "wrap" them and can finish reading on the drive home.  In the event that the world's rotation slows on its axis and my Mom can remember how to find my blog, much less, read it, I'm going to refrain from giving titles or reviews.  That'll be a post for next week.

Meanwhile I'm getting ready to hit the interstate for the great city of Raleigh, and my day will have officially begun.  Bring it on (but gently, please!)