Thanks to the am service yesterday morning, Bobby and I briefly rehashed a conversation we've had on multiple occasions. We've had it so many times, it's now condensed to bullet points and new thoughts/situations. Here's a condensed version:
At what point does a person stop being a child? According to our parents, never. So do we ever get to stop obeying/honoring them?
Is there a difference between obeying and honoring? Can we lovingly disagree with them, follow our own path, and still honor them?
According to Pastor Mike, parents will and should always guide or offer advice to their children, especially when they become parents. How does this fit with the "leaving and cleaving" philosophy of marriage we're taught? What do you do when a godly Christian couple with two sets of godly Christian parents give conflicting advice? (For example, a couple is financially strapped to the point of needing food stamps. One set of in-laws say the mother needs to put her babies in daycare and go to work; the other set says the mother's job is to rear her children and the father needs to either get an extra job or quit spending. Both use Biblical principles in backing up their arguments and both families do their best to live out their faith in their daily lives.) And what happens when parents pray for God's guidance and wisdom, then both decide to discard parts of how they were raised? What does that do to the obedience and honor?
When people give testimonies or "share" and say negative things about their parents or their upbringing, even if those things are true, aren't they dishonoring their parents? Is that wrong?
When an 18 year old wants to go to a Christian college but Mom and Dad request/insist/refuse to pay for/ and wants the child to attend an accredited school to get "job skills" first (and then if they still want to attend a Bible school they can), is the child dishonoring the parents by refusing their request? Is it dishonor if the child respectfully listens, but then graciously and willingly works their way through Bible College? Is it dishonor for the child to attend the school the parents want, but moan and groan about it the entire four years?
And close to home for me, if I ever return to live in Walker County AL, would it dishonor my parents if I chose to attend a church besides the one my Dad pastors?
Just where is this fine line between honoring our parents and being ourselves?
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4 comments:
Such a good topic. It is so hard to find the right balance, isn't it? To me, so much has to do with attitude of the child (however old) and parent. Then, at the end of the day, being able to stand before the Lord with a clear conscience that you did all that He asked you to do.
sounds like I missed a good message yesterday!
Good post and one that I still struggle with. I don't think it dishonors a parent at all not to attend the church they pastor:) My parents are so thankful that all their children are following Jesus and want us to live for HIM and follow HIS will for our lives even if that means doing something they aren't that crazy about. I have a friend right now who is struggling because God has called their family into the ministry FAR away from family and a ministry that makes very little $. Her Christian parents have been very vocal about how they disagree and how they don't think this is the Lord's will, blah blah blah. I think in this instance, you have to respectfully decline to "obey" your parents. As Pastor Mike said- you obey UNLESS it is outside the will of God. And that looks very different for adult children and young children:)
Hey Monica! These are great questions! In our parenting institute we discuss this very issue in more depth. I think it is important for us to understand the authority and influence. As the child become older the authority of the parents should become less because it is replaced by influence. The goal of a parent should be to continually have an influence on their children their entire lives without having to play the authority card of being the Dad and Mom. Obviously, once a person gets married they establish their own family unit. The wife is now under the authority of her husband. This is not to say the child should dishonor his parents by the way he speaks to them, etc. However, the authority structure does change! Although the authority structure changes once our children reach adulthood, godly parents should still have godly influence on their children. I hope that makes sense. I'm planning to send you a copy of some of my notes form the parenting institute which addresses this very issue. Great questions and commennts. Pastor Mike
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