ripple effects

This year has thankfully been one of relative calm for the two of us, but we have had a multitude of friends and family going through some extremely trying and difficult days. This morning while taking our neighbor to school, I couldn't help but think about two scenarios and the totally different attitudes.

One of Bobby's close friends is dying with an inoperable brain tumor. His desire is to die at home. Everyone supports that. Our problem is that as he gets worse, he is becoming increasingly difficult to deal with. Every helper he hires either quits or he fires them (for things like "stealing" a container of cotton balls off the mantle. Yes, the very item that is used every day to administer some of his meds). Last month we heard from him once a week, calling just to chat or vent. Now we hear from him and many of his caregivers twice a week, calling multiple times throughout the day, trying to figure out how to deal with a crisis that he has created. He has the means to hire help to continue to live at home, but refuses to pay anyone or put anyone in charge of his affairs. His fear of not making choices about his life and refusing to be dependent on anyone (but making himself dependent on everyone in the process) makes things very difficult.

And then we have the total opposite scenario nearby, where a family doesn't have the means to pay for the help they desire and sometimes need, but they also refuse to be independent in anything that truly matters. They want to depend on everyone around them for things they could physically do for themselves. And when the time comes where they truly need assistance, there are few people left willing to help them at all. Their desire to be dependent in so many basic areas of life will eventually force them to lose what little independence they have.

It's really force me to think about my attitudes about myself and those around me. Am I being too independent or too dependent? Am I being kind, even if I don't agree or like a situation? Will my faith actions waiver or change as illness takes over? Am I making wise choices now? Where is the line between assisting and enabling?

I know how frustrating it can be to go home as an adult child and not be treated as an adult, and I try to remember that when dealing with an older person who so desperately want to make their own decisions but shouldn't or couldn't. I hope when I hit that point in life that I will be like two ladies I know who have made decisions, that even though they were difficult, made sense and were wise concerning their future. That I can gradually cede decision and life matters to those who can assist me in making decisions, and that I'll have friends and family around me willing to help with those matters when the time comes.

Growing old is not for the feint of heart.

sheep

We're doing a Christmas play at church for the kids this year. We've taken a break the last few years, and several parents have been asking that we bring it back. So I found a "simple" musical, ran it by the pastoral staff and music crew, recruited some help, and we started to run with it.

Our first practice was yesterday, and I found out before the practice that one of our 3 year olds is attempting to bolt. The 3-5 year old class are the sheep in the musical. She wants to be a fairy. Her parents and grandparents told her all her friends in her class was going to be sheep. Her response? They can be. But I'm going to be an angel if I can't be a fairy. I think I'm going to have my work cut out for me, and then some.

Wrapping up another week

Well, last weekend we were able to spend time with the Stox family. It was so good to actually talk and catch up with them and their lives. My great-niece Lucy is an extremely laid back baby. Ellen says she felt God gave her such a relaxed child because she had such a rough pregnancy. I think she's probably laid back because her Dad is a very laid back person, but she might surprise us all with her own unique personality. She slept through supper Friday night. I had the chance to feed her during supper, and she didn't cry not one bit when I took the bottle from her to burp her or to shift positions. She has a tendency to fill her mouth up before swallowing, which means some of it dribbles out the side of her mouth. Saturday morning she slept the whole time, and only wiggled around in my arms when she needed to pass gas or if I set her on the table without my arm under her. I don't think she liked the hard table (although that kid was so well padded I'm not sure how she could feel it! I couldn't help but think about the play the Princess and the Pea I saw in elementary school.)

We hit the ground running upon our return. I've been trying to learn the songs for the kids' Christmas musical (practice starts tomorrow!), Quilts of Valor has suddenly had a huge number of presentations for our area (after having almost none all year) and one of them involves putting together a veterans day program for a nearby YMCA. Elections training is nearing an end (one more day of teaching and assisting!) and then I need to start contacting all my officials before the election, plus look over the ballot myself so we can vote!

I did manage to get all the pecans washed and cleaned and into a basket this week. Not quite half a bushel, but I'm certainly not complaining with the amount we have. I'll check around the trees again toward the end of the week, as it's still early to be gathering. I honestly think had it not been for the storm, we wouldn't have the ones we have now.

I am very tired. I keep telling myself that November 7th and December 3rd is coming. If I can make it to those two dates, I will survive. Ready or not, they're coming!!!

Finally on our way

After 2 months of planning and trying to figure out how and when we could travel to see my first great niece, today is finally the day.
And it started out with it's own adventure. After the remnants of Michael blew through our area, we had the normal limbs and sticks on the ground. But pecan season is also nigh, so I thought we might have a few nuts down as well. I thought I could spare 30- 45 minutes and pick them up. I thought wrong.
When we hit tree #3 and my bucket was rapidly filling, Bobby went to scout out the rest of the trees to see where we needed to focus. Halfway through the yard his wheelchair got stuck in the mud
 I did my best to get him out, and finally went to get a board before realizing there was no way I could tilt his chair and slide the board under him. We wrecked our brains trying to think of someone who didn't have a bad back or would not be at work or school. We came up with Pastor Chad. He gladly came.
Before he even got halfway there, Bobby's nephew pulled up with his 2 great-nephews. I called Pastor Chad, but he was already near the house.
I tilted Bobby's chair back while Sammy held up the front wheels and Trey helped lift on the other side. Tristan was down in front with the board and shoved it under the feet plates and first set of wheels (that tells you how deep he was). With the bbn board in place we were able to hold the back up while he drove up onto the board. Then he had to drive off the board, and we repeated the process. That last time Sammy held the back so he wouldn't sink while driving until he could get on dry enough land. I think the boys loved every minute of it, though Tristan thought the idea of a tow truck was the best.
Pastor Chad arrived about the time Bobby made it to the driveway.
I wound up with a pack of pecans, and I wasn't able to finish the 3rd tree. Maybe the squirrels won't get everything before we  come back.

The first haul from last week

Mid month madness

Finally pulled up all but one of the tomato cages, and picked a bucket of butterbeans. With the rain from Storm Michael, we may get another bucket full first of next week, though with the colder temps coming this may have been my last harvest. And I can't say that thought makes me sad.

We are also halfway through training pollworkers for the November election. The vending machine (drinks anyway) is empty. That's usually how I mark the training time, but since early voting starts next week we're truly nearing the last few weeks of election day training.
And Christmas music is now playing in my car as the kids at church start practicing for their Christmas musical a week from Sunday.
Our local quilts of valor group had a presentation scheduled last week. I drove to North Raleigh only for his child to tell me he wouldn't be home from work for another hour. So I've not called to reschedule yet, but need to do that soon. I never know the best way to handle these scenarios. I don't want to give up if he simply forgot, but I also don't like wasting time of everyone in the group. We'll give it one more try before giving up. Meanwhile we have both a group and an individual presentation planned next month, with 3 more we need to process. Rescheduling a no show is not exactly easy on my already crowded calendar.
On a brighter note, I am about 3 hrs worth of work away from meeting with a printer for a family Christmas project Bobby has diligently been working on. Details will come after Christmas.
And that's my week in review....going MUCH better than last week!

This week

• Received a 6am phone call from a parent wanting to know where their child was. ?!?!
• Spent 4 hours at the ER with a young lady. It was eye-opening and heart-breaking, while also emotionally exhausting.
• Received some very constructive criticism after one of my training classes.
• Had a cultural/racial clash with someone at the gas station. No longer upset, but it still makes me sigh.
• Mom finally got some test results and an appointment with the next specialist (Her first dr visit about this issue was around the first of July!)
• Drove to North Raleigh for a Quilts of Valor presentation, only for the recipient to not be there.
• On-going semi-crisis situations with a close friend of Bobby's.
• Have struggled with swelling feet and hands.
• Got behind on things that needed to be done this week. Yikes!
• Got stuck in traffic Thurs night so missed the first of two meetings. (440 W was almost a parking lot. It took 25 minutes to get from one exit to the next!!)
• And everyone keeps asking how things are going. They really don't want to know, even if I did feel like telling them.

Sanctification

The process of becoming a better person, or becoming more Christ-like, does not come easy to me. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was receiving phone calls this morning about a semi-crisis that was not officially my problem. And it didn't thrill me. At all.
So while reflecting on the moon, how it reflects the sun, and yet, it's just a bunch of dirt, I realized how much that is me. Up close, there's nothing glowing or nice or pleasant about me. From a distance, things are majestic and glowing. But I feel like the dusty dirt that I am.
And I'm praying for a Garner cop who has had a crazy morning, and I'm thankful for him and people who deal with the crazies in our world.

• That's all I can type at the moment.