I didn't grow up with cable. PTL and the 700 Club sounded like golf clubs to me the first time I ever heard about them. And tele-evangelists? They were for people like my Grandma who didn't have a driver's license and was stuck in her apartment, lonely, without a way to church, or for people in nursing homes or hospitals.
So suffice it to say I'm not up to par on the television church world.
So when a friend sent me a comment, surprised that I hadn't blogged about Pat Robertson's divorce and Alzheimer's comments, I actually had to Google and YouTube it to find out what all the hurrah was about. Here's the link, in case you're like me and are willfully ignorant of such http://youtu.be/vsaqfP87Z58.
My first encounter with Alzheimer's was at the age of 5. A great uncle had it, and we were unable to unlock any door at that house or use any door except the front (and then after a parent unlocked it) because Uncle Silas would wander off. Each door had multiple locks on it, so Aunt Fanny would hear the rattling and could get there before he would be gone. The bathroom walls and floor were covered in layers of taped newspaper, because he sometimes forgot what indoor plumbing was and would just go wherever. Such a life is not easy on anyone, neither the patient nor the caregiver.
My second encounter with a spouse unable to communicate normally was in high school. A man in our church had a stroke and was not able to talk or move. His wife recognized she was physically and medically unable to take care of him, so he went to a nursing home. But every morning she packed her bag and joined his side for the day, then left at night. It was hard for her, and if he was cognizant, I'm sure it was equally hard for him.
I was blessed with many godly examples of spouses who honored their vows of "in sickness and in health" growing up, as well as the difficulties of what that truly meant.
Robertson's comments illustrate very clearly the problem of seeking advice from someone who does not know you nor the situation. A pastor would be more attuned (hopefully) to the person's spiritual health and could ask probing questions and help give direction. All we know is the scenario as the person asked it. And as the scenario was presented, beside the ponderings of has this person been given emotional support from his church or received information from a local Alzheimer's support group, where are their children, has this person been in faithful in church and seeking God, has the spouse's Alzheimer's been the violent sort, etc I had to wonder "which is the lesser evil?" If a person is cheating on their spouse, whether the spouse is in their right mental capacities or not, that's still sin. When the person is not in their right mental mind, we tend to be more forgiving or understanding of the sin, but it doesn't erase the fact that sin is sin. So which is worse, to sin by breaking your marriage vows, or to say "I'm going to sin anyway, so I'll just sin by divorcing them and go commit adultery with someone else." Or, do we recognize it as sin for a person to be "angry with God" as the caller stated in her opening words?
Such scenarios are not new to the world. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte tells the story from the woman's point of view who finds herself in love with a man who has hidden his crazy wife. I personally know of three situations where a mental illness has wreaked havoc on the marriage, prompting adultery in one situation and severe problems or separations in the other two.
If anything, the sadness of such reality reminds us that living a righteous life in a sin-cursed body is never easy. Sadly, we tend to follow the OT observation "every man did that which was right in his own eyes" (always mentioned when telling of the depravity of Israel), instead of digging deeper and saying "The LORD says..." and doing it, regardless the cost. Living right is hard, but when it comes at the cost of our time and emotional state-of-being, we sometimes find it harder than normal.
It would have been great if Robertson had emphasized the importance of honoring the marriage vows, directed the man to a local pastor and support group, addressing the anger as part grief and part sin, but also challenged the church to help the hurting more than we semi-adequately do. If his local body of believers (assuming he had one) were faithfully socializing and reaching out to him, the emotional need to see others would not likely have been so great. And it's also very important to recognize that not every situation is the same. While some people are able to care for their loved ones at home, there are also situations where it is simply not feasible. Like with parenting, care-giving is very personal and individualized, and ultimately it is only the care-giver who stands before God and gives the account of their responsibilities, not the on-lookers.
I would never recommend a person seek advice from a tele-evangelist. Your local pastor who knows both you and the situation would be a much better person to seek advice from. They're seeing the situation, and are seldom just making a judgement call with the one-sided information being provided.
So that's my two cents worth on the issue.
So suffice it to say I'm not up to par on the television church world.
So when a friend sent me a comment, surprised that I hadn't blogged about Pat Robertson's divorce and Alzheimer's comments, I actually had to Google and YouTube it to find out what all the hurrah was about. Here's the link, in case you're like me and are willfully ignorant of such http://youtu.be/vsaqfP87Z58.
My first encounter with Alzheimer's was at the age of 5. A great uncle had it, and we were unable to unlock any door at that house or use any door except the front (and then after a parent unlocked it) because Uncle Silas would wander off. Each door had multiple locks on it, so Aunt Fanny would hear the rattling and could get there before he would be gone. The bathroom walls and floor were covered in layers of taped newspaper, because he sometimes forgot what indoor plumbing was and would just go wherever. Such a life is not easy on anyone, neither the patient nor the caregiver.
My second encounter with a spouse unable to communicate normally was in high school. A man in our church had a stroke and was not able to talk or move. His wife recognized she was physically and medically unable to take care of him, so he went to a nursing home. But every morning she packed her bag and joined his side for the day, then left at night. It was hard for her, and if he was cognizant, I'm sure it was equally hard for him.
I was blessed with many godly examples of spouses who honored their vows of "in sickness and in health" growing up, as well as the difficulties of what that truly meant.
Robertson's comments illustrate very clearly the problem of seeking advice from someone who does not know you nor the situation. A pastor would be more attuned (hopefully) to the person's spiritual health and could ask probing questions and help give direction. All we know is the scenario as the person asked it. And as the scenario was presented, beside the ponderings of has this person been given emotional support from his church or received information from a local Alzheimer's support group, where are their children, has this person been in faithful in church and seeking God, has the spouse's Alzheimer's been the violent sort, etc I had to wonder "which is the lesser evil?" If a person is cheating on their spouse, whether the spouse is in their right mental capacities or not, that's still sin. When the person is not in their right mental mind, we tend to be more forgiving or understanding of the sin, but it doesn't erase the fact that sin is sin. So which is worse, to sin by breaking your marriage vows, or to say "I'm going to sin anyway, so I'll just sin by divorcing them and go commit adultery with someone else." Or, do we recognize it as sin for a person to be "angry with God" as the caller stated in her opening words?
Such scenarios are not new to the world. Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte tells the story from the woman's point of view who finds herself in love with a man who has hidden his crazy wife. I personally know of three situations where a mental illness has wreaked havoc on the marriage, prompting adultery in one situation and severe problems or separations in the other two.
If anything, the sadness of such reality reminds us that living a righteous life in a sin-cursed body is never easy. Sadly, we tend to follow the OT observation "every man did that which was right in his own eyes" (always mentioned when telling of the depravity of Israel), instead of digging deeper and saying "The LORD says..." and doing it, regardless the cost. Living right is hard, but when it comes at the cost of our time and emotional state-of-being, we sometimes find it harder than normal.
It would have been great if Robertson had emphasized the importance of honoring the marriage vows, directed the man to a local pastor and support group, addressing the anger as part grief and part sin, but also challenged the church to help the hurting more than we semi-adequately do. If his local body of believers (assuming he had one) were faithfully socializing and reaching out to him, the emotional need to see others would not likely have been so great. And it's also very important to recognize that not every situation is the same. While some people are able to care for their loved ones at home, there are also situations where it is simply not feasible. Like with parenting, care-giving is very personal and individualized, and ultimately it is only the care-giver who stands before God and gives the account of their responsibilities, not the on-lookers.
I would never recommend a person seek advice from a tele-evangelist. Your local pastor who knows both you and the situation would be a much better person to seek advice from. They're seeing the situation, and are seldom just making a judgement call with the one-sided information being provided.
So that's my two cents worth on the issue.
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