strange sounds & things

One of the hardest things about quitting my job was having to tell the people I've enjoyed working with the last three years. Had it not been the absolute peace and certainty that this was in the best of interest of our family, I don't think I could have gone through with it. And God has blessed me with great friends who have prayed with me for this last year (even though I didn't tell them what they were praying for!) that God would give me direction. A part of me dreads tomorrow as I say good-bye and pack up my office. And the craziest thing of all, is the things I thought about today that I'll miss.

• clocking in and out - Now, I won't miss seeing how early/late I am, but MBC has a really cool machine that stamps your timecard and it makes the coolest sound. Plus I just find it gratifying to hear that "ca-chunk" every morning and afternoon. It's like a piece of you (or your time) is being encapsulated in ink and is there to be seen.
• the large format printer - Several people have commented lately that the ink smell of the large printer bothers them. It always takes me by surprise. I seldom smell it. I don't know if I've just grown accustomed to its wet ink/new plastic smell, or if my sniffer just doesn't work right. But I will miss it's quiet hum as it kicks into gear moving the paper and then it's "eeeeeerrrrrrrr" as it scans across the roll. It's like listening to a non-deafening airplane take off.
• Duplexed card-stock on the color printer...Can you tell I like rhythmic things? There's something satisfying about hearing the "thunk, thunk" of the paper as it changes roller to roller and then to the catch tray. Maybe I like it because another project is close to be highlighted on my to do list. Either way, this is one of my favorite parts about a project...the almost finished project!
• Linda sighing....my coworker is the prototype for the energizer bunny. She exhales often, and sometimes I can almost see her letting off steam like the locomotive she imitates.
• Keith singing his wacky songs while he cleans.

I'm sure there's many other things I'll miss as the days go on, but these are the sounds I seem to hear the most often. Yet as much as I like and will miss them, I don't think I'll take a tape recorder to work tomorrow.

points to ponder

If you walk .6 of a mile on slow speed on a treadmill you will burn off 1/2 of chocolate chip cookie.
If you exercise at a very slow pace for 40 minutes you will be VERY tired and go home and take a nap.
If you drink a 20oz Dr. Pepper at the beginning of your work day the caffeine (or is it the carbon or the acid?) will make your tongue tingle and give your day a temporary boost. Or at least make your hands a little shaky.
If you try out this elipta-something machine (think a mutation of a treadmill, a stairclimber, and a bicycle), your heart will elevate nicely and after 3 minutes your leg muscles will burn.
If I ever get in shape and lose my weight I might also lose some of my sanity and walk an extra mile or two like my mother-in-law and sister-in-law just so I can eat some chocolate. (yes, I'm smirking as I type that)
If I make it to the gym BEFORE work tomorrow, will my muscles get my up the parking lot hill at work and into my office?

the big day

The 4th of July is one of those holidays when the Guyton clan assembles for food and fun. The men grill outside while the ladies prepare foods inside. The few times when relatives had a pond or lived on the lake, we always congregated there for swimming, one hour after you eat, of course.

When I was about five or six my Dad bought an electric ice cream maker. (Home made ice-cream was always the late afternoon treat.) I remember that summer specifically, as Uncle Tom has his hand crank machine. My cousin Niki, who is my age, stood in front of her Dad and I stood in front of my Dad and we cheered for our Dad's machines like there was no tomorrow. Uncle Tom was determined that "new-fangled" machine wasn't going to beat him and worked up quite a sweat (which he would have done anyway as hot as it was). The electric machine quit first, but Uncle Tom stopped right afterwards, and his ice cream was done, too! It's strange the things we got fired up about as children. (Bobby claims that's cheating. If you don't get at least one blister making home-made ice cream then it doesn't count as home-made!)

One of the hardest things I had to adjust to in NC was the lack of fireworks here. Our family always set off fireworks for the 4th. That tradition died off somewhat after Uncle Tom died, but I miss it. I guess that's one of the reasons I enjoy all the towns around here setting off fireworks. I'm too old for sparklers, was never overly crazy about battle rockets, but I do miss getting to examine the remains of blown up fire-ant mounds (courtesy of my brother and cousin's escapades with a long string of firecrackers). I guess that part of me hasn't grown up.

In honor of Bobby's family traditions we had hot dogs with NC chili and made slaw for his hot dog. I won't make home-made ice cream though. Even with an electric machine, it still seems like a lot of work for just two people. I guess that's how traditions die or change.

clothes, or lack thereof

Today I foraged my way into a section of Target I have never been before: the rows of exercise clothes. I was in search of a simple pair of loose-fitting shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt. Yoga-style pants would have been fine. I wasn't overly surprised to find most aisles had nothing in my size. That's not uncommon. What did shock me was the one style of pants/capris that had my size was labeled: FITTED. Below the waist, figure hugging, form fitting. Um, did ANYONE at that manufacturing company stop to think what someone my size would look like wearing that?! Granted, I didn't bother looking at the sizes on all the short shorts because you wouldn't catch me dead wearing a pair of those. I never did as a child, and I'm certainly not about to know.

If I were interested in starting a business, I would go into the business of sports/fitness clothes for fat people. Think about it...if anybody needs to exercise or lose weight, it's people like me. But everything you read tells you to wear light-weight, loose-fitting clothes. Um...I hate to tell the creators of all those exercise videos and such, but such a thing doesn't exist for fat people. All these cutesie fitness tops with the cropped sleeves are a nightmare for people with big arms. And what person in their right mind would wear one of those slanky outfits that consists of a tank top and tube pants when they're overweight?

So I looked around, and then returned to gathering the items I was there to get. Maybe I'll have time to visit Sears, but I'm not holding my breath for better results.

circling questions

Last night in our mid-week Bible study Pastor Mike used a reference verse that always bugged me when I was a child. The verse goes something like "Honor your father and mother and you'll live a long time." (yes, I know that's a far cry from a direct quote, but that's the gist of the passage.)

That verse always put me in a quandary. I wanted to honor my parents and follow God's command, but I did NOT want to live a long time. Our church was blessed by a multitude of old people, and a good chunk of the visiting we did was to elderly widows whose children lived far away. Living to be old never appealed to me in the least. I always debated whether or not I should disobey Mom and Dad every once in a while so my life wouldn't be as long as I feared it might be.

After church I was sharing those thoughts with someone who has also wondered about those verses, and they came to this conclusion: to not want to live a long time is to essentially tell God we neither appreciate nor care about the very life he has given us. I had never thought about it in those terms. When I think of old age I think of limited mobility, loneliness, pain, lack of independence, sadness, confusion, entrapment, and fear. In my depraved mind, I don't think of old age as glorious or wonderful or as a gift. And yet, isn't that what it is? Or is it? I think old age in its original form might not be so bad, but in our broken world it seems harsh. And yet there are young people who have a harsh life.

sigh...the breath of God...it sounds like circular reasoning to say it is a gift, and you want to obey God to make the gift last longer, but you also won't the gift to end so you can be reunited with its source....is this what James is talking about when he says a double minded man is unstable in all his ways?

a good and busy day

Today was roaring Monday. You know, one of those where you feel as if you've already lapped yourself a few times before you even get out the door. My before-work checklist was only half-done, and I arrived at work a little late. BUT the network and internet was down (meaning I could neither access my saved files nor photo accounts) so I was able to cull through CDs of old work to save some of my creations. I had planned to do that next week, but seeing as I had nothing else to do but wait, I did that for an hour. After that, I clocked out and headed to the grocery store. By the time I got home, unloaded, and was debating whether or not to call and see if things were restored, I got the phone call saying not to come back until tomorrow. WHOHOOO!
I took pictures of today's work, but they won't be posted until tomorrow.

1. Chicken pen supplies...we now have them all, with help coming this weekend to put it together!
2. Medicine - prescription dropped off and filled!
3. Dr's office - form signed, picked up, and delivered to...
4. Rex Wellness Center- I'm officially roped in and have the first part of my "physical testing" on Friday afternoon.
5. yardwork - picked Mrs. Bryan's blueberries for her AND watered my garden

And best of all...my peas are coming up! I only planted them this past Friday, and wasn't expecting them for another 5-8 days! Bobby was laughing at me because I dreamed I went out this morning and everything I planted Friday had not only sprung up but had bloomed...totally unrealistic, but hey! So I was thrilled to see all these little plant heads popping up out of the ground.

And, because there's a lot of laundry to do and my kitchen is more than a tad messy, I wiped off my sweat and...took pictures! I actually got quite close to the little rabbit who eats clover in our front yard every morning and evening (and for a while enjoyed some of my cabbage plants!) but is very careful to stay right outside the dog's fence line. Who knows? After I get Bobby squared away for the evening I might even open today's mail!

the future

There will come a day when my feet do not hurt,
When I can find every piece of paper I need without having a search party,
When as I get ready my clothes will be hanging in my closet instead of the dirty basket,
When I can enter a new situation without fighting panic inside,
When I will never lose train of thought mid-sentence,
When I will be organized.

There will come a day.
Meanwhile, I'll continue to daydream.