"R"

When I was in the third grade, my mother informed me I needed to work on my handwriting. I remember telling her it was pointless, for not only did I look like my Dad, I had inherited his handwriting skills as well. (This was pre-preacher days when Dad was a pharmacist. Let's just say not only do pharmacists know how to read a dr's messy handwriting, they can write that messy as well.) I don't remember all of Mom's response, but I do remember her back arching and me spending some time practicing writing that day. And that night after supper Dad spent some time with me at the table working on cursive letters. It seemed to me his handwriting radically improved after that.

Another thing my Dad and I have in common is our middle initial "R". While our middle names are totally different, as a child I loved to write my name Monica R. White because Dad always wrote his Jerry R. White. To me it seemed like this special bond we had. After I got married, it surprised Bobby a little that I kept my middle name and dropped my maiden name. In hindsight I understand some of his reasoning. Keeping the maiden name does make it a little easier on filling out forms, but all my nicknames from my family stem around my middle name, and just as Dad has always been Jerry R, I've always been Monica R. Giving up my middle name and initial felt like throwing away my identity even more than giving up my maiden name did. So I became Monica R. Bryan. A few years after we were married, it somehow came up that unlike my sisters, I hadn't kept my maiden name. While my reasoning surprised my parents, I think they also liked it. I am my father's child, after all.

Besides the dark eyes, short squat stature, straight dark hair and overall pudginess, Dad and I share, he also instilled in all four of us a love for nature. Sunday mornings before he became a preacher were my favorite times. While Mom cleaned up the kitchen, we would snuggle on, around, and on top of him by the porch window and watch squirrels and chipmunks harvest nuts.

But more than anything else, he lived out his life in front of us applying Scripture to his life. It wasn't just a book he read from and made us squirmingly sit through after breakfast. For him it was/is a way of life. When he became a preacher and they lost his business, they could have filed for bankruptcy. Instead my parents claimed "A good name is better to be chosen than great riches." The next 20+ years of their life were financially difficult, but I wouldn't trade those life lessons for anything in the world. When I came home complaining about kids in my new school saying untrue things about me, his response was to apply the principles of Matthew 18. And when we had to pray for a new vehicle because ours was literally dead and the money wasn't there, we took Dad's joke to pray for a Cadillac seriously. When his nephew whom we hadn't heard from in several years called a few weeks later, Dad shockingly told us he was in retail for the Cadillac company, had bought a used car at wholesale a few years earlier, and for some reason we kept coming to mind when he thought about selling it. We were dirt poor, but we had a very nice car to drive. I think that one still boggles Dad's mind. Our response was, "That's what you told us to pray for!" And the one of the many things I loved about my Dad as a teenager was that he was never afraid to admit he was wrong or didn't have all the answers. I don't think he'll ever realize how much of an impact he made on me during my teen years.

And while he probably won't read this blog, Happy Birthday Dad!

our broken moral compass

I am old.
I grew up in the Bible belt, where even people who did not go to church knew the Ten Commandments, the Creation story, some of the Beatitudes, a few parables, and at least 2 verses of Amazing Grace.
And yet, two of my four years in a public high school were 2 of the 3 loneliest years of my life. (My last year of middle school in a Christian school ranked third.) As one of my high school friends told me one day after overhearing classmates discussing weekend plans, "It's not that we don't like you, but we don't invite you to our parties because we know you don't drink. We don't won't to offend you by inviting you to something we know you can't come to." I actually appreciated her comments, and to this day that girl holds a very soft spot in my heart.
Then I went off to a Christian college, and the remainder of my life has been somewhat isolated within Christian communities EXCEPT for 2.5 years at Wake Tech and one summer at UAB. It was the teachers at UAB that shocked me. It was everything about Wake Tech that did.
One particular incident has come back to mind quite a bit this past week. I had an 18 year old classmate who was absolutely dumbfounded to find one of his four "teammates" (we were assigned to creative teams for the class) was a Christian. But not just a Christian, but in his terms, "the 7 day creation, there was a flood, the Bible is true, every word of it, kind of Christian". It floored him. He even moved his chair away from me a little and briefly debated whether or not he could even be on my creative team. He was a very talented artist, a bit disrespectful in his attitude toward his parents, but what dumbfounded me the most was his ability to lie without batting an eye. He could share something with you one day, and then the next week deny ever saying it. It almost made me wonder if he had split personalities. But as time progressed, I realized he simply had no moral compass.
David Aiken addresses this issue in his biography of George Bush "A Man of Faith" where he deals with the fact that in his earlier years Bush read the Bible because it was a good moral book to read. Over half of Americans today are Biblically illiterate. The items listed above that I remember non-Christians knowing growing up are now a thing of the past. And I find it interesting that before Bush personally met Jesus, he considered reading the Bible every day important because it provided a moral framework for the world.
My WTCC classmate didn't have that framework. And quite honestly, if one has never been taught the importance of the Christian worldview, why should anyone be honest? Think about it. The world revolves around you. All that matters is you. If everything is relative to you, your wants, your needs, your desires, then what motivation or reasoning is there for you to be honest about anything? All that matters is that you get what you want. (Remind you of a passage in Isaiah?)
The recollections of my classmate's lack of moral compass and the words from Bush's biography collided today as I finished up Palin's Going Rogue. Her last chapter details differences in how people who have been brought up on American (godly) principles and people who have been brought up on liberal (it's all about me) principles deal with life, specifically in the area of politics. And it's shattering and mind-boggling. But sadly it's true.
Our nation will never be able to solve its economic, political, and financial woes until we can return the basic tenants of Christianity. Honesty, caring for your neighbor, living for something besides your self are all by-products of the Christian life.
Our God is a God of hope. That means there's still a fighting chance for our country. But until we as a whole willingly return our broken compass to Him for repair, I fear all of our band-aid fixes will only slow the bleeding and not heal the wound.
As I age each day I'm understanding more why the Christian faith is a lifestyle, and why we are called to be a "peculiar" people.

childhood

One of the things I miss the most about childhood is having someone to look after me when I'm sick. You don't truly appreciate Mom fixing you things to drink or rubbing your back or just holding you until you feel bad, but you still have to fix your own meals or drink or figure out what medicine to take. And for all my Mom friends out there who've not only been sick themselves but also had to look after a little one (or multiples) at the same time, my hat is off to you.

One of the nice things I don't miss about childhood and sickness, is as an adult I don't have to go to the doctor unless I think it's necessary. (I'm reminded of a few scenes were I'm rasping out my rationale for NOT going to the doctor while gasping for breath and my Dad standing there staring at me as if I'm from another planet and then laughingly saying, "Get your jacket and get in the car.") Some kids had normal diseases like chicken pox, strep, or tonsillitis; I had bronchial pneumonia and 5th disease.

And I am excited (as much as a tired person can be) this morning. Bobby informed me last night if I wasn't better this morning I had to go to the doctor. I woke up this morning and after five days of a sore throat so bad I couldn't stand to talk, I can talk this morning without hurting! WHOOHOOO!

Now if this cold will only be a 1week run instead of a 3 week, we'll be in business!

noses

Do you ever wonder why God created our noses? I mean, the nose is basically an angled, tunneled entrance into our sinus passages. I suppose noses are more aesthetically pleasing. Can you imagine what our faces would look like if we just had two big holes where our nose is? On the more practical side, I know they play an important role in filtering the dust and dirt from the air we breath and such (reckon that's where the idea for a vacuum cleaner came from?), but really...a two-tunneled slanted entrance?

As a kid I used to ponder why adults were so adamantly opposed to nose picking. To my five year old brain, it made perfect sense. If you looked at people's nasal openings and their index fingers, they almost always seemed the same size. It was as if God measured them to fit perfectly. I also couldn't understand why girls who would make mud pies or swim in Smith Lake (which is very dirty) would think picking your nose was so gross. It is just dried up dirt after all. And lest some of you are becoming very concerned about me at this point, yes I do recognize as an adult why nose picking is not a safe nor wise thing to do.

And I also have a question for you: do you find it more painful to have a cold as an adult than you did as a kid? I remember being miserable with colds as a child, but I don't ever remember hurting like I do now as an adult. I guess that means I'm just falling apart.

tracks

front tire tractor tracks

Monica tracks

rear tire tractor tracks
(my brother-in-laws cleared our driveway)

Lucy & Linus tracks

bird tracks
(they made quite a pattern around the chicken pen eating the corn I dropped)

Bobby braving the elements and scaring me half to death.
He had fun.

recurring themes

One of the books I started in 2009 and hope to finish this year is Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick. Today I finished a young adult biography about Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German theologian, and the similarities in themes amazed me. Below is an excerpt from Bonhoeffer's writings:

If our Christianity has ceased to be serious about discipleship, if we have watered down the gospel into emotional uplift which makes no costly demands and which fails to distinguish between natural and Christian existence, then we cannot help regrading the cross as an everyday ordinary calamity, like one of the trials and tribulations of life. We have then forgotten that the cross means rejection and shame as well as suffering. The psalmist was lamenting that he was despised and rejected of men, and that is an essential quality of the suffering of the cross. But this notion has ceased to be intelligible to a Christianity which can no longer see any difference between an ordinary human life and a life committed to Christ. The cross means sharing the suffering of Christ to the last and to the fullest. Only a man thus totally committed in discipleship can experience the meaning of the cross.

The victory in my Christian life ultimately comes down to my view of the cross. It's that simple, and yet a principle that I so often brush aside as "heard it, got it, let's move on". And yet the reality is that I can't get on with my life as long as I push aside this important principle.

The last year Bobby has also been reading through a book detailing the historical timeline of Hitler's regime. Tonight at supper we compared notes, both astounded at how silent and complacent the church was, thus enabling Hitler to rise and flourish in power. Some of Bonhoeffer's writings could easily have been written to the church in America today.

One other quote from the biographer (the context is detailing Bonhoeffer's concern that the Nazi's demanded the church ignore the Old Testament because of its Jewish ties): "The Old Testament, which could not easily be separated from the message of the New Testament, was all about living by faith in this world. It was not about holding on until another world appeared. And if someone was required to live by faith here, he would not be irresponsible about what happened here...To retreat from life...was to retreat from a full, biblical vision of who God was."

to live by faith IN this world...isn't that our struggle still today? As a teenager it drove me crazy that all the old people in my church only seemed interested in the hereafter. I wanted a religion that made a difference in the here and now, not the hereafter. And yet today, I hesitate to witness for fear of shoving my beliefs on others, or don't call someone because listening to them would tie up too much time in an already busy day, so how is my faith being lived out today in this present world? The sad answer is that my focus at those times comes off the cross and onto me. I'm minimizing the cross and its impact on my life when I remove it from front and center of my life.

Now, if the next sermon I hear or book I read addresses this same topic, then my Mom would tell me I need to quit being so hard headed and actually apply what God is trying to tell me. It's still the cross.

friendliness, or lack thereof

I think (and is my totally biased opinion) that one of the reasons Barak Obama was so popular with younger and older people is because of his positive attitude during the campaign. His promise of hope and cooperation had a refreshing and resonating ideal that everyone wants to dream is possible. And now comes reality.
Given that Obama was one of the more liberal members of the Senate prior to the Presidency, it's not a big surprise that his policies and viewpoints are in direct disagreement with so many moderate Democrats and Republicans. His staunch and steadfast adherence to his principles (yes, even liberals can staunchly stand by immoral policies) in the past shouldn't cause anyone to be surprised that his current motto could easily be: Agree with me and friends we'll be.
Obama's unwillingness to meet half-way, his irritation at being questioned, and his arrogance in deriding others who disagree with him has eroded his very campaign promise of stopping politics as usual.
When all is said and done, many Americans shrug and say that's how politicians operate.
Sadly, I think this is how mankind operates.
When I go online and read news articles, the comments that follow shock me at the vitriolity and lack of common courtesy for opposing viewpoints. I seldom read the newspaper's editorial letters or comments on news forums or blogs for this very reason.
What disturbs me even more is that the church is not immune to such pettiness.
Believers should be passionate and zealous about their faiths and beliefs. We should adhere to I Peter 3:15 and be ready to give an answer for the hope within us. But it concerns me when I hear believers laugh or belittle other siblings in Christ who differ on doctrinal issues. It reminds of the parable in John 10 where Christ said, "And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd." I know Christ was talking to the Pharisees here, and many think he was alluding to the future Gentile believers, but when we arrogantly laugh at something that doesn't make sense to our frame of reference, are we not being Pharisees?
I often found it interesting in China that a group of believers who have not been taught doctrinal persuasions would be divided after studying certain Biblical passages. They were never told about terms such as charismatic, pentecostal, calvinism or apostasy, and yet while all praying for understanding they would argue and debate passages divided along those lines.
During the late 1700's, believers in Holland, England, and other countries would become so volatile over doctrinal differences that they would strive to ban the disagreeing brethren from holding any political office, living within a town, or fellowshipping with other believers. Things became so bad in Holland at one point that believers were burned at stake (by other believers). After questions were raised about the validity of such extreme persecution of non-believers (the victims were praying and praising God to the death), the believers in charge ordered the opposing believers' tongues to be cut out before they were brought to the stake and burned - all over doctrinal differences.
I'm just as opinionated as the next person. I can be extremely agitated when trying to help someone understand why they need to think like I do. (How's that for arrogance?) I sometimes gasp inside at the chasms between those of opposing political or religious views. And yet I shudder when I read historical stories and listen to myself and those around me. How many steps away are we from being as believers in Holland or the Nazis in Germany or even Muslims? I like to think that I could never ever be that extreme. And yet every comment deridingly made on an opposing viewpoint is simply one step closer to such arrogant danger. I'm not saying we can't disagree or debate things, but that there's a big difference between disagreement and derision.
So my dear readers, should you read (or hear in person) anything that comes across as such derision, please let me know. I fully desire to give an answer for the hope that is within me. But I want that answer to point to the Hope and its source and not away from Him.